You can make me whole again

So Sarah Harding has quite a small nose close up. But hey, when's that ever stopped anyone from enjoying a party?

Nick Ede threw an emotional party all about Strokes, Crystals and Ex Atomic Kitten singers.

We hob-nobbed with Cockerney favourites such as Denise Van Shouten and Martine McClutchbag.

Could this be the new Jedward?

So Justin Lee Collins isn't just the bearded, feathered bobbed one who "put Bristol on the map". Did he actually even do that? Turns out he can sing as well.

The ex-tubby tune maker proclaimed himself and Gok Wan botherer Alan Carr, the new Jedward. Except, he said, "we can sing". He also murmured something about the Eurovision Song Contest. You heard it here first...

The Variety Club Showbiz Awards

Here's the proof that Alesha Dixon has a very petite head. Myself and young Pixie Lott were kindly on hand to demonstrate the difference between our own 'normal' heads and Miss Dixon's.

In other news, Alesha says Sabrina is going to be 'fierce' in I'm A Celebrity... and Pixie is hunting for a boyfriend.

Diamonds and Pearls

Former Mis Teeq rapper and current Strictly Come Dancing judge Alesha Dixon is very pretty and has a minute head.

She was ill on the night of the Cosmo Awards, so she ran off in a flurry of tissues, swines and olbas oil.

Meanwhile, I did a strange jig next to her and deeply regretted not applying fake tan.

Fierce!

The other one from Girls Aloud

She's not Cheryl Cole or Sarah Harding. She's not the ginger one. But Kimberley Walsh did win the Ultimate Woman's Woman at the Cosmo awards. And she's met Sarah Brown.

Lovely hair. And she says she wants Girls Aloud to stay together forever.

Another reason to quit Monster Munch

This picture is tiny because Abbey Clancy - WAG of Peter "The Robot" Crouch - is one of those women who makes me write depressing poetry about having self-esteem issues.

She was actually the nicest (only) WAG I have ever met. But thankfully, she's a rubbish dancer.

Why have silk, when you can have Cotton?

Irritatingly, it is possible to have hair that looks like it's off of a Pantene advert. My hair felt really embarrassed next to Fearne Cotton's hair.

She told us how Peaches Geldof is "young and lost and whatever". And a total wanker. But she did the last bit in sign language.

Me and Myfanwe

Wow. I look like I'm in a relationship with Ruth Jones here.

Well, we do have a lot in common. She won Cosmo's Ultimate Funny Woman crown. I didn't.

But we are both hilarious and a wee bit cuddly. So you can see why there'd be an attraction.

Lamb's a silver fox

Before I heard his piss-taking tone on BBC 6 music, I had right thing for silver fox George Lamb, son of Larry. That hair! Those piercing eyes!

But I was fairly glad he got bumped off prime time radio. That ego! got annoying.

Anyway, it turns out he's really glad to be bumped off too, 'cos it means he can focus on Big Brother. Right.

Does this pose have the X Factor? Nah.

Words cannot express how cool I thought I was while getting this photo taken. Here's Mr Cowell and a bevvy of Daily Star lovelies committing a heinous crime in posing. His handshake was warm and not as strong as I'd like.